Children ARE our future.
That’s not a new concept or thought.

Children ARE OUR future.
It’s up to us, you know, the one’s we call adult.

Children ARE OUR FUTURE.
We understand we are a powerful influence and yet;

CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE.
We fail to comprehend that what they see is what we get.

Deborah Cashen , CFLE, 2005

We claim to be an educated, civilized nation, yet:

• We still produce children who are abandoned, neglected and abused;
• We get so caught up in competition we ignore what it means to be a good sport;
• We know those who suffer from prejudices, yet we remain silent;
• We know how to prevent disease and still refuse to do what it takes to be healthy;
• We have traffic laws to prevent harm, but accidents are still a leading cause of death;
• We watch as family relationships disintegrate rather than honor our commitments;
• We have become a nation of externally motivated adults who seldom see the connection between our attitudes and those of the next generation.

We are human and no matter how hard we try we will never be perfect. The good news is mistakes create growth opportunities. However, there is one mistake we shouldn’t be making - failing to protect our children. April is Child Abuse Prevention Month. Many who are aware of this may think of those children who are so physically neglected and abused they are removed from their home. Unfortunately, there are other ways children are neglected and abused. Here are just a few:

• Blaming, shaming and guilting children into behaviors that make adult lives easier.
• Humiliating children.
• Treating children as though they were miniature adults.
• Offering love and acceptance only when children do as we say.
• Expecting children to meet unrealistic expectations.
• Depriving children of developing appropriate coping skills.
• Rescuing children thereby preventing them from developing responsibility and accountability.
• Treating children disrespectfully by yelling, screaming and threatening them.
• Getting upset with children when they display the very behaviors we model for them.

We all understand that physically neglecting and abusing children causes irreparable damage, but how often do we think about what we do to our children psychologically and emotionally? When we fail to teach children the life skills they need to successfully transition into adulthood, we are setting them up for failure. As in most forms of child abuse, this form of abuse can be prevented by continuing our own education.

Contrary to popular belief, we are not born with good parenting skills. Those skills don’t come naturally. Some of us may be fortunate enough to have those skills modeled by our own parents. Even so, its tough to battle today’s outside influences. Parent education is continuing education. It comes in many forms – books, internet searches, classes, workshops, lunch and learn seminars, and coaching. What could we possibly invest our time and money in that gives as great a return?

Good parenting is an acquired skill. To develop any skill requires education and training. Take a proactive step to prevent the damage that results from well intended, but unprepared parenting. Don’t wait until your children are out of control to call in a super nanny. Seek continuing education through your place of worship, your children’s school, or your workplace if they provide those services.

Those who INVEST IN pa rent education are good parents. Think about it!

PARENTING CHALLENGE:

Recently my 10 year old son thinks bed time is a time to chat. It takes forever to get him settled in for the night. His father tells him to go to bed and he goes to bed, but when I tell him that he keeps me engaged in conversation. I know he is delaying his bed time, but how do I disengage in the conversation and get him to bed without frustrating both of us?

First of all, you have trained your son in this behavior – no disrespect intended. Initially this time was probably used as a bonding time between you and your son. He may intentionally try to delay his bed time, but he probably enjoys the attention he gets from you as well. You have two choices:

1. You can start bed time earlier so that you have time for bonding. How do you do this? You kindly tell your son that you enjoy your chat time with him before bed, but you are concerned that he gets enough rest to prepare him for the next day. Ask him if he would like to move bed time up (15 minutes, 30 minutes – whatever time you need) so you can continue this special time together.

1. If your schedule is unpredictable and bed time bonding isn’t an option, you can offer to set up a special time earlier in the day. This way he will get the message that you care, but that bed time is not negotiable. At bed time be consistent. If he persists in drawing you into conversation, remind him of your agreement and assure him you will address his concerns during your special time tomorrow. If he remains persistent, minimize your words – “We’ll talk about this tomorrow,” or “Tomorrow son.” “Have a good night.” “Love you.” Whatever you say to end the night and walk out of the room. Make sure you follow through with the one-on-one time with your son.

Either of these approaches sends the message that you care about your son, but bed time is important. The option you choose depends upon your schedule and what you are willing to do. You will soon discover if this is a delaying tactic or if it is his way of spending more time with you. Either way the problem is resolved peacefully.

Do you have a parenting challenge that you would like to see addressed in this newsletter? If so, please email deborah@parentingpartnerships.com. Sharing this information will be helpful to others who may be addressing the same challenges. Confidentiality is guaranteed.